Mood Changer

Today was an interesting day. I was having a rough day. Nothing seemed to go right for me. It wasn't anything big, just little things that didn't set well with me. I had resigned myself to having this bad day until I picked up my iPod. I stared at the screen for what seemed to be an eternity. What do I want to listen to? We have all had that question in our heads at some point. You stare at four days worth of music and it comes down to one artist that will make or break your day. Now, that artist will be different for each and every one of us. Today, it was Frank Sinatra: Live at the Sands (If you like Jazz, get this album!). This is such a great album. It's the Chairman of the Board! how can this not cheer you up? When he broke into "Come Fly With Me," My mood started to change. The day was looking up. Then I got into Jazz Ensemble rehearsal. Our director, Utah, passed out one of my favorite charts of all time, "April In Paris," originally performed by Count Basie (It was in Blazing Saddles). We played this chart and my day took a 180 degree turn. Nothing else mattered. I was having fun playing music that I loved. I'm happy now! The day from this point on was different. It was a great day! That leads me to something that I was thinking about a few days ago, but couldn't get into words.....what defines me? What defines you? What makes that bad day good? It could be anything. It will differ from one person to the other. What matters is that it makes you happy. For me it is music. I would like to know, what in your life makes a bad day good?


Until next time......

New Age?

Wow, It's been almost a year since I wrote something....sorry to my 2 followers.


Recently, my wife and I have been watching the show 'Mad Men'. It is a great show if you haven't seen it. It is set in the late 50's and the 60's. It really shows how gender roles in our society were at the time. Women were expected to cook and clean and take care of the children, and the men went to work to make the money. Now, this attitude has changed, or has it? As many of you know, I enjoy cooking. I started from barely being able to cook toast to being able to put major meals on the table. I have never been very good at baking however, and I don't like not being able to do something. My wife loves Chocolate meringue pie. Tonight, I decided it was time to learn. I got the ingredients, and made a pie. I must say, it was wonderful and it made my wife very happy. I then made the mistake of putting a picture on facebook. This is where the gender role discussion happens. I have two friends that questioned my "manhood." I know they were just messing around, but it was a little offensive and it made me think......I thought society was past this. There was a movement that put women in the workplace and made them equal in society. The roles are not as they used to be, or are they? In our house, my wife is the primary bread winner. I am in school (not much longer now) and she works to support us. I do the cooking in the family. If we host company, I cook. Romantic dinner, I cook. I would consider myself a great cook. The contention tonight seemed to be this, if it was not done on the grill, the a man shouldn't be doing it. Did I get that right? Believe me, I can grill just fine. probably better than most people. So, does cooking in the kitchen make me less of a man? My other friend said something about showing him how to clean house and do the dishes (I would've gotten the exact quote, but apparently he deleted the comment). So what has changed? Women now work in the workplace. So, am I to believe that the progress that we have made on gender roles is that women are not only expected to bring home a paycheck, but also cook, clean, and take care of the kids? Now, I know my friends were just joking, but there is always some truth in a joke. The big reason to make a pie tonight was to make my wife happy. I live by the motto, "Happy wife, happy life." So, maybe we need to reexamine how we see gender roles in our society. I believe that cooking for my wife makes me more of a man, I will take your man card now.

Until next time.....

Confessions of a career student

So here I am, almost 29 years old and still in school. It is the subject of jokes and ridicule from peers, professors, friends and even family. It makes me feel like....well, maybe you should know the history first. In high school, I was never the best student. I had to work hard for everything. The problem was, I didn't always work my hardest. It wasn't until I started this adventure called college that I took school seriously. However, that didn't last too long. I spent a year at community college, and the I transferred to Texas Tech University (WRECK EM!!). Guess what, I was following a woman. I had gotten engaged to a girl I knew in high school. Was it smart? No, but we were kids, how would we have known? I got there, and the relationship went south. With that, so did my participation in school. I lost focus. I forgot why I was there. Heck, originally I was there for reasons other than school. After awhile, the only classes I went to were band and jazz band. I was having a great time. The problem was, that time caught up to me. It was in 2004 that I figured out that I could not afford it anymore. This was a bad time for me. I spent the next two years wandering. I was working and going to various classes, but never really focusing on a degree. Looking back, I am not sure what I wanted in life. I basically avoided growing up. I was in a bad place. At one point, I even thought about taking my own life. I was feeling the pressure to get going again, but I never knew where I wanted to go. I went to the one thing in life that always brought me joy....music. I decided to get back to earning my BM. I was playing music again. I was happy, but I still lacked the focus to look at the end of the road. I was still acting like the same stupid kid. Finally, I don't know what clicked, but I grew up. I started to work hard again. I started to care about my classes and how well I did. However, the damage was done. Because of my mistakes, I was destined to be a career student. I had to make up for everything I did wrong. Everybody would say "Don't dwell on the past. Don't worry about your mistakes." But somehow, my mistakes would always come back to bite me. They still do. Today, I am dealing with these mistakes. I deal with them with every "old man" joke. Every "haven't you graduated?" feels like I am getting kicked in the gut. I want to scream, "DON'T YOU THINK I WANT TO GRADUATE?" So, here I am. I made my choices and I now have to live with the consequences. Actually, I have been living with the consequences, but this semester is the hardest. I seem to get more and more comments from people. There are events that I won't go to and people I won't hang out with because I don't want to have to explain myself. I find myself looking towards graduation thinking "will all of this end?, or will I still deal with this crap?" Sure I make jokes, but I think I do that as a defense mechanism. If I make the joke first, then they can't get to me. I'm not sure where the logic is, but that's what it is. It's odd though, because if I hadn't made those mistakes, then I would have never met the people I met and I would have never met my wife. So, in a way, I am glad I made those mistakes. It is still no fun to deal with them though. So, what is the point of this post. I guess I just can't sleep and I need to get this off of my chest. Maybe this is my way of telling people to back off. I don't know. It is something that has been on my mind for awhile now and it does feel good to get it out. I just have to keep going. I am almost there (or at least it feels closer).

The Next Step

Well, here I am on this journey. I have started to see some results when it comes to my size. I am losing in my midsection just from exercising. That has been the "easy" part. The hard part has been my diet. Cutting out fast food and sodas was easy. Then, I cut out fried food. This was significantly more difficult. It wasn't until I figured out that fried food was making me feel sick after eating it (how did I not know this? Was I in denial?) that I really got serious about making that change. Today was a milestone. I was at a restaurant that specialized in wonderful fried food. I ate the grilled fish. I was good. I avoided the onion rings that kept being passed by my nose, just taunting me. Tonight, I ate dinner with my parents (after a bike ride) and I had a grilled chicken sandwich on a wheat bun. It was wonderful. So, today marks the first day in which I have had no fried food. I was very proud of myself until it was pointed out to me that the dark beer that I was drinking probably negated all the progress that I had made. Damn. This is the next step. It is the step that I knew was coming, but I didn't want to admit it. Beer has to go. This makes me sad just to type it. No, I am not an alcoholic, but I do love a cold beer with friends. Now, you may say, "one beer is okay," but I have never been a one beer person. Beer with friends has been apart of my life since I was 21. I am not sure what to do different. I am not even sure If I can do this next step. It is probably the step that is holding me back from seeing real results. So, what is my motivation? I live in a family that has large men. We are genetically heavy.....actually, that's BS. It's lifestyle. I live in a family with lazy men (if you are one of these and don't like what I am saying, DEAL WITH IT!!). Recently we found out that my grandfather has to have open heart surgery. I see this and look in the mirror. Do I want that life? Do I want to not be able to get around in my later years? Do I want to even make it to my later years? This is a scary thought. I have heart disease and diabetes in my family. I have to make these changes for me. It is for my family. I don't want to leave my wife alone because I was selfish and ate whatever the hell I wanted. I want to be more like my dad. He deals with these issues, but because he is fit and active, he is able to keep it under control. So, this is what it is about. It is about life. It is about growing old with the woman I love. It is about being able to see my kids grow up and become successful. I am no longer going worry about what I look like. I am no longer going to worry about what I weighed yesterday versus today. I am going to focus on eating right and staying fit. The weight will come off (I know, I have said that before, I just need to say it again). I need to change my lifestyle. I know that this next step is going to be my hardest so far, but I have to do it. This is my breakthrough/breakdown part of my change. I don't want to be dead at the age of 50. I want to live a long and happy life. It makes me angry that I have BS'd myself to this point. This is my last chance.


Thanks for the support......
Jon

just one day at at time....

So, I have been on this journey called getting my fat-ass in shape. It has been a tough one to start. Today was the worst day. I decided that I would begin running on a daily basis and today was day 1. I thought that I could get out there and get it done and walk away motivated. However, that did not happen. I figured out real quick that running will tell you just how out of shape you really are. It was tough. I could run for about 30-40 yards and then I would have to stop and walk. I thought I was dying at some point. Every step of the way I would ask myself "Jon, what the hell are you doing?" It was the most discouraging and demotivating moment yet. Before today, I was ready to go and register for the MS-150 and I was ready to go, but when I stopped today, I was ready to throw it all away. However, My wife and my dad were there to get me motivated again. I now understand that this was just part of the process. I have to take this one day at a time, and try to do a little more everyday. I'm not going to run a marathon this year, or next year, but maybe....just maybe I will be there someday. Sure today was painful and humiliating, but I like that. I think I want to remember this day as proof why I don't ever want to get like this again. I think part of the problem is the fact that I have never really been an athlete. I always just did enough exercise, and never really knew how to push myself past a certain point. I get all sorts of advice from people that have always been athletes and are in great shape. I am grateful for every bit of advice, but I don't think these folks have a clue what it is like to go from being a fatty to being an athlete. I need someone who has been in my shoes. I need someone that understands what I am going through. I just have to make small goals and build from there. So, here are my goals.......

Running:
I want to be able to run a 5k by the end of the Fall. After that, I'll work towards a 10k, then a half-marathon....etc.

Cycling:
I plan on riding the MS-150 in October. My goal is to ride at least 30-40 miles per day of that ride. If I can do more.....GREAT!!

Eventually, I want to complete a triathlon, but I have to become a better swimmer.


I know I can do this, it is just going to take some dedication and determination. I cannot quit. Sure, I will have days that I don't want to do it anymore. I just have to push past those days and look forward to the end result. I can do this because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me......Sorry for the SNL line, I am goofy like that.


till next time......

Professionalism

On Saturday, I will be playing trumpet for my cousin's wedding. I am very much looking forward to being a part of this joyous occasion. Now, ideally I would be able to show up and perform and make great music. However, in my life, there is always a catch. My cousin and I were told that this organist could play almost anything. So, we were very shocked when the organist said she couldn't play the music that I sent her. The music is standard wedding literature. I even showed to a friend that played piano and she was shocked that this so called "professional" could not play this. This goes to the title of this post.....Professionalism. Do not market yourself as a musician that can play anything when in reality you can barely play common hymns. When you do that, you run the risk of ruining an event. It may just be a gig for you, but it is a day that someone will remember for the rest of their lives. Be courteous and market your abilities for what they are. Because of this, I spent the last two days calling organist after organist (something that I was glad to do for Deanna). It seemed that everybody that I called was on vacation. Fortunately, I found a great organist that will have no problems with the music. Now I feel confident that Saturday will be a wonderful event, well It was going to be wonderful anyway, but we will have some great music.

until next time.....

Multiple Random Thoughts Today.....

I have a couple tidbits today......

This past weekend was Kate and my 1st anniversary. It has been one heck of a year. I look forward to many more. To celebrate, we took a quick trip to New Orleans to spend a day or two in the french quarter. Unfortunately, we spent quite a bit of time stuck in our hotel room due to the rain. So, we didn't get to do everything that we wanted to do, but we got to do quite a bit....

One of the first things I noticed was the gay pride festival going on just below our hotel window. It was interesting. Within the first 5 minutes I saw a man wearing a sailors hat and a speedo.....that's it, and two guys making out. It was an interesting welcome to New Orleans. We mostly walked around looking at stuff and eating food. With the food, I found that there are not many great spots in the french quarter to find good food (without spending an arm and a leg). If you go for the food, just stop in Lafayette. They have better food. We also got to check out our favorite gallery on Royal Street , Martin Lawrence Galleries(Not that Martin Lawrence). They carry our favorite artist Robert Deyber. He does some great work. You should check him out (www.robertdeyber.com). Everything else was about the same for every other trip to New Orleans......You see the same sights as always and do the same thing. Next time, we are going to see more music, and do a ghost tour, that should be fun.


The next thing.....

I have been religiously going to the gym since we last talked (except for the trip), and things are going well. Some things that I am noticing already:

1) Clothes are already fitting better
2) I have more energy
3) I am sleeping better at night
4) That mental fight I have with myself in the morning on whether or not to go to the gym is getting shorter, and I am winning (wait, does that make sense? I win against myself?)
5) I am already feeling in better shape. At the end of my usual workout today, I felt like I could do even more, but I was out of time. I need to go earlier and push myself to that next level.

I am now getting to the point that I feel shorted when I don't go work out. I get excited to get in there and work. I just have to take it one day at a time. Monday, I am going to get back on the road bike. I am looking forward to that to kicking my ass again.

Until next time......